Developer Diary 5 – Solo Charm or Unprofessional?
hiya
Official Wishlist Trailer for Five Arcade! Watch here:
Five Arcade Official Wishlist Now Trailer
Wishlist Here
I’m back at the computer after a nasty fight with Covid. Temperature over 40, fluid drip, antibiotics (I think…there was a giant needle), the whole thing because my body won’t fight these things itself and needs backup. Anyway, I’m not 100% yet but I’m getting there. On with the post. I started writing this before I got ill, so there may be some weird tonal shifts somewhere. It’ll be a short one though because I need to rest after getting that trailer done.
I can’t stop thinking about polish. A solo developed indie game should have rough edges, right? I’m trying not to suggest that solo games lack quality because that’s obviously not true but there is a big difference in slickness between Strange Horticulture and Silksong. (Maybe not the best comparison but I’m tired).
When you employ a person who is spectacularly crafty with art, and another who is pragmatic with code, a third who is tuned up in music, a fourth who is an eloquent writer, a fifth who doesn’t know when to end lists, a sixth begging the fifth to get to the point, then it stands to reason you will have a good shot at a nice looking well put together game with a good story and music, and two employees screaming at each other. Assuming you have a good conductor…I’m getting lost in all these metaphors, please help me. But, when you try and create something with all these elements and you are a single game dev person, like a puddle of mud things get a bit blurry.
Pushing yourself to be better in these areas while accepting you are one person leads to a fierce internal struggle. One side of you offers consoling words “Nah mate, you’re doing really well and you are good enough, I got you, shhh, it’s going to be fine…” while the other shouts uncontrollably “POLISH THIS MESS RIGHT NOW! IT’S ABYSMAL! DO 17 ART TUORIALS SIMULTANEOUSLY! SEE THIS CODE? REFACTOR IT NOW!”? Both sides have their merits but need a adjudicator. My internal adjudicator never shows up in time and both these thought processes are given free reign in my head.
I just released the Official Wishlist Trailer for Five Arcade. So my head has been a consistent mess of excitement and disappointment, pride and self-loathing. I have many delusions about my abilities as a potential independent game developer. I think my game is good enough for your buying consideration, so I’ll happily try and talk to you about it. But then I think, with equal conviction, it isn’t worth your time, which is why I post announcements in a time slot I know won’t garner attention – that way, if/when it fails I have a (admittedly stupid) excuse.
I hope the trailer accurately shows what the game is like to play. I am working on a demo currently, the release of which was 6th of March but the Covid thing may have delayed that. (only by a few weeks at most). I have a load of gameplay sections I designed for certain guns, I just need to stitch them together into a cohesive demo.
The game looks like it was made by a solo developer, alone in his room. But it was. So why should I feel ashamed or try and run from that fact. As someone who needs walking aids, running isn’t much of an option for me. I’m betting on the fact that some gamers may find joy in a game that isn’t overly slick but is fun to play. I worry I’m starting to make excuses already. I am proud of this game, and I believe you will enjoy playing it.
A thought popped into my head lately that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. If you are feeling something, chances are so is someone else. If any of what I have said is in any way familiar to you I want you to find some comfort in knowing there is a developer in Northern Ireland who is going through it as well. I have more sympathy for you than I do for myself, which makes me think you have some sympathy for me. As weird as that sounds, I’ve found comfort in knowing that these annoying dichotomies are not suffered alone. We can get through them. We can make things. If the things we make aren’t successful, we will make more things. We will keep trying.
I always find after big landmarks in the journey to releasing this game I get an sense of overwhelming anticlimactic sadness so I need to escape from my head. I am at the final boss in Lies of P so I should go and die to him another 100 times to cheer myself up.
Bye for now.